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“You’re lying to
me, aren’t you?” She said her voice ecstatic with rage. “You little thief.
Stupid child. You are lying to me about my mother’s death. You think you can
take over my life just like that. Take it from me. My money, my clothes, my
mother. Maybe you want my grief too, is that it!” |
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I hated her. I
hated her so much I wanted to cry from the sheer tension, the pressure of it.
How was I going to bear, or to expel, that much rage? I threatened to
lacerate me like a burning garment, as if Medea’s dress had been wrapped not
around me but within me, within my burning flesh. |
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“She didn’t want
you there, I said. She was quite satisfied with me. She thought I was…” |
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I stopped, but
it was too late. A flicker of disturbance ran across her forehead, reminding
me of Dr Park. Then something else entered her eyes. For all my microscopic
observation of her face over the years, for all my close study of its every
contraction, retraction and passing mood, I’d never seen this particular
look. I think in that moment she finally understood what was happening. She
understood that she had bred a mirror-image, a creature who was her, but who
could also turn on her. The look on her face, I think, was horror: the horror
of recognition. My creatrix faced me and understood that she made a monster. |
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“What do you
want?” she said. ”What do you want from me?” |
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She was asking
her Golem if it was going to kill her. She was asking the Image if it was
going to emerge from where it had lived, from under the watery surface, and
attack. |
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We faced each
other very directly. We gave each other perhaps the most serious, most
exposed look we’d ever exchanged. She was still the Mirror, I the reflection.
But I had lied and that give me dimension. The Echo had said something of its
own and now it couldn’t be contained. I could feel the certainty rising; the
Mirror had to be smashed. No matter what followed after, no matter who lived
or died. |
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For a long time
we stood absolutely still, locked into each other’s gaze as by a spell. Then
I raised my and hit. I was trying to shatter the Mirror’s reflecting surface;
but my first met the hard bone of her instead. The impact reverberated
horribly; I almost screamed with pain. We wrestled blindly, with an awful
intimacy, body meeting body, body meeting itself. I put my hands on her
throat, my fingers tightened round the delicate flesh. Her face was close to
mine and we confronted each other straight on, a line of pure violence
joining us now as love once did. Her reflecting features contorted, love and
hate twisting into each other, and twisting her face. |
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“Who are you?”
she said, her voice nothing more than a deep breath. “What are you?” |
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“You, I answered
on the same wave of air. “I am you.” |
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“Just don’t
forget you came second, “ she whispered. “And you will always be second, even
when I’m dead. Even if you kill me.” |
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I tightened my
grip. Our eyes were so close that they had merged mingled in the same miasma
of fear and violence. She put her hands on my shoulders to push me back. Then
she crumpled. She gave up the fight. I could feel it, the instantaneous
decision in her body to stop resisting. To resign. She wasn’t going to put
her fingers round my throat. She couldn’t do it, she was still the creatrix
and I her creation. Her child. She slid to the floor. I let go. |
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I knelt beside
her, not sure what I’d done. She was limp and seemingly unconscious, but
breathing. She’d fainted. I lay down beside her, like a cub beside a wolf
mother and once again perhaps knowing that this was the last time I’d do it-
I contemplated her face. I perused it as if I were reading the complex
geography, the rich matter of the world. |
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This passage is
about the fight between Iris and her mother Liz. It takes place after Iris’s
visit to her grandparents. At the end of this visit the grandmother, Edith,
had an accident and died few later. In her last minutes alive Iris held her
hands. Edith was senile and thought it was Liz, because they look exactly
like each other. So she was happy when she died with her loved daughter
around. |
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After this, Iris
goes home to tell her mother the news. They have a big argument and both want
to hurt the other. So Iris lies and says that her visit had been perfect and
her grandparents had accepted her. And that her grandmother was glad to have
Iris around and never asked for Liz till the end. But Liz doesn’t believe it:
“You can’t lie to yourself”! |
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