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- Extract: |
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When I saw Laura
outside the shop knew I absolutely, without any question at all, that
I wanted her back. But probably because she’s the one doing the rejecting. If
I can get her to concede that there is a chance we’ll patch things up, that
makes things easier for me: if I don’t
have to go around feeling hurt, and powerless, and miserable, I can
cope without her. In other words, I’m unhappy because she doesn’t want me; if
I can convince myself that she does want me a bit, then I’ll be OK again,
because then I won’t want her, and I can get on with looking for someone
else. |
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Laura is wearing
an expression I have come to know well in recent months, a look that denotes
both infinite patience and hopeless frustration. It doesn`t feel good to know that she has invented
this look just for me. She never needed it before. She sighs, and puts her
head on her hand, and stares at the wall. |
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‘OK, it could be
that we sort things out. There may be a chance of that happening. I would say
not a good chance, but a chance.’ |
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‘Great.’ |
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‘No, Rob, it’s not
great. Nothing’s great. Everything’s shit.’ |
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‘But it won’t be,
you’ll see.’ |
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She shakes her head,
apparently in disbelief. ‘I’m too tired for this now. I know I’m asking a
lot, but will you go back to the pub and have a drink with the others while
I’m sorting some stuff out? I need to be able to thin while I’m doing it, and
I can’t think with you here.’ |
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‘No problem. If I
can ask a question.’ |
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‘OK. One.’ |
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‘It sounds
stupid.’ |
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‘Never mind.’ |
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‘You won’t like it.’ |
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‘Just … just ask
it.’ |
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‘Is it better?’ |
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‘Is what better?
Is what better than what?’ |
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‘Well. Sex, I guess.
Is sex with him better?’ |
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‘Jesus Christ,
Rob. Is that really what’s bothering you?’ |
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‘Of course it is.’ |
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‘You think it
would make a difference either way?’ |
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‘I don’t know.’
And I don’t. |
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ß TOP ß BACK |